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Old 11-03-2002, 05:56 PM   #1
1lit
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Default Conversation with Shopping Assistant at MSN Xmas Store

Got bored spending all day adding and removing affiliate links, so had a chat with the shopping assistant at MSN UK (sad aren't I?) Thought you might like to read the conversation!:

Question: Need advice on presents please.

( Jim has joined )
( Patrick has joined )
Jim: hi pat
Patrick: Hi Jim. I am Patrick.
Patrick: Thanks for the request.
Jim: asl?
Patrick: Jim, I may not be able to engage in a personal chat.
Patrick: Are you looking for a gift for a special occasion?
Jim: where is the woman?
Jim: There is an attractive woman at MSN who says she can help customers...
Jim: I didn't expect a man.
Patrick: Jim, all our personal shoppers are equally qualified to attend to customers shopping needs.
Jim: But I need help with presents for a woman. And you are a man.
Patrick: That should not be a problem, Jim.
Jim: Could you put me through to a woman please (preferably an attractive one)?
Patrick: I am your personal shopper for this session and would assist you in buying products listed on the MSN UK Shopping site.
Patrick: Are you looking for a gift for a special occasion?
Jim: Are you gay? You seem to not want to put me over to a woman.
Jim: I'm not interested in guys.
Patrick: Jim, as stated earlier, all our personal shoppers are equally qualified to attend to customers shopping needs.
Patrick: We have an entire section on gifts for women. Would you like to take a look?
Jim: I have had a look.
Jim: But there is nothing suitable.
Jim: What is the 'Play Mate' section for please? Is it suitable for my wife or does it cater to my mistress?
Patrick: Jim, this section actually lists christmas gifts for a Lover.
Patrick: Are you looking for a christmas gift ?
Jim: I am having a fling with the neighbour's wife. Do you think there would be a suitab
Jim: suitable Xmas present for her there?
Patrick: Well, it depends on your choice as we have Music, Poetry, and perfume and many more products listed under this link.
Jim: Yes, but her husband would find out about the perfume and poetry. He would get suspicious.
Patrick: So, its upto you what you find suitable to gift. \
Patrick: Could you tell me her age and what she likes? This would help me find something suitable.
Jim: Yeh, but what do you give to your mistress for Xmas?
Jim: She is 35 and a blonde.
Jim: So not terribly cultured. Into Eastenders.
Patrick: Jim, could tell me if she has a particular hobby or favourite past time?
Jim: Yeh, she likes to watch TV.
Jim: Her favourite programmes are Eastenders and Coronation Street.
Jim: Do you have any Eastenders socks or something?
Patrick: Okay, then how about gifting her the latest dvds or videos ?
Jim: Do you have any Eastenders branded goods?
Patrick: Would you like to browse the latest released videos or dvds while I search for the requested product on our site?
Jim: She doesn't have a video or DVD player.
Patrick: Okay.
Jim: Just TV with about 400 channels
Patrick: Thats fine. Please give me a few moments to locate for Eastenders branded goods on our site.
Jim: Her husband's a tight-git - says he won't buy her a video cos she wastes about 10 hours a day watching TV as it is...
Patrick: Okay.
Jim: Wish she'd leave him for me.
Jim: But I can't rid of my ugly wife...
Patrick: I will be back with you in a moment.
Jim: Are you Irish? I'm asking because you have a funny Irish name. And you are also a bit slow.
Patrick: I apologize for the delay. I am still searching for the requested product.
Jim: I hope you're not Irish.
Patrick: As stated earlier, I am unable to engage in a personal chat.
Patrick: Thanks for your patience. I will be with you in a moment.
Jim: Cos my grandfather was Irish and he is always going on about the war. I'm NOT INTERESTED in a war with took place 50 years ago.
Jim: I wish he'd shut up some time.
Patrick: Thanks for waiting. Unfortunately, we do not have "Eastenders socks" listed with us at the moment.
Jim: That's a pity. I've got an idea...
Patrick: We do have a "Eastenders" board game listed with us. Would you be interested in taking a look?
Jim: No, board games are boring.
Jim: I know - how about a gun. Are guns legal in this country? She wouldn't have to use it on her husband or anything, but it might look nice on her mantelpiece...
Jim: What do you think?
Patrick: I am not authorized to comment on such issues. Would you like to view the subdepartment page on Socks & Hoisery. I suggest, you get in touch with the stores and check with them if they have your product.
Jim: PLEASE don't call the police!! The gun was NOT to kill her husband. I swear.
Patrick: Can I be of any further help?
Patrick: I am awaiting your response.
Jim: You are Irish. I know. I've seen you on TV, Patrick.
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Old 11-03-2002, 07:05 PM   #2
PaulT
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Very funny! I tried the same with "Sally" who is actually a man.

Mine's a bit sexual in nature, so read with caution. I know, I'm so sad - but if you have 20 minutes it's worth a laugh.

Question: Need advice on presents please.
( Jim has joined )
( Sally has joined )
Sally: Hi Jim. I am Sally.
Jim: asl?
Sally: Thanks for the question. Could you please tell me whether these gifts are for some special occasion?
Jim: Are you the attractive woman on the advert?
Sally: Jim, I apologise, but we are not allowed to do personal chats over this site.
Jim: Could you put me through to a man please (preferably an attractive one)?
Jim: Because I need a present for a man
Sally: I would request you to kindly refrain from the same.
Sally: I am a man. Please tell me whether the gifts you are looking for are for any special occasion and also please tell me for whom you are looking to buy these present for.
Jim: I have had a look, but nothing seems suitable. I'm looking for a present for my boyfriend
Jim: But there is nothing suitable
Sally: That is okay, Jim. Can you please tell me about his likes or special interests? This will help me in finding a perfect gift for him.
Jim: What is the "play mate" section for? Is it suitable for my boyfriend or does it cater for him?
Sally: Jim, it is for boyfriends. But may I know about his likes or special interests so that I may help you better?
Jim: I am having a fling with my neighbour's husband. Do you think there would be a suitable present there?
Sally: Please tell me about his hobbies. I may then be able to provide you with some gift aspirations.
Jim: Well perfume and poetry would be good, but his wife would get suspicious
Jim: He's 35 and blonde, so not terribly cultured. Into Eastenders
Sally: We do have a huge department on Perfumes for men.
Sally: Hang on for a moment while I send you the page for Men's Perfumes.
Jim: Well, the problem is that his wife would get suspicious
Jim: Do you have any Eastenders socks or something?
Sally: Okay, Jim. Please give me a moment to locate that for you.
Jim: DVDs and Videos would be good, but he doesnt have a DVD or video player. His wife's a tight git (not in the sexual sense), says she wont buy him a DVD or video player because he already spends about 10 hours a day watching TV
Sally: That is okay. One moment please.
Jim: Wish he'd leave her for me
Jim: But he cant get rid of his ugly wife
Jim: Are you Irish by any chance? because you seem to be a bit slow
Jim: I hope you arn't Irish because my grandfather was Irish and he wouldnt shut up about the war
Sally: Jim, we do have a huge department for Socks for men. Most unfortunately, I am unable to find Eastenders socks. However, I am sending the page to you. Please take a look at it.
Sally: http://shopping.msn.co.uk/mark...R%2D04284
Sally: I suggest you get in touch with the stores that are listed towards the right hand side of the page. They may be able to find the exact socks you are looking for.
Jim: Your site isnt working
Jim: I know...
Jim: I've got an idea
Jim: How about a gun?Are guns legal in this country? he wouldn't have to use it on his wife or anything, but it might look nice on her mantelpiece...
Jim: What do you think?
Sally: Jim, we do not have Guns listed on our site.
Jim: PLEASE dont call the police! The gun was NOT to kill his wife. I swear
Jim: I know, have you got a gun like the one used on Phil Mitcher (what's his name) in Eastenders
Sally: Jim, can I help you any further with your MSN UK Shopping needs?
Jim: that would be a perfect gift
Jim: I'm interested in videos as well
Sally: That is okay. One moment please.
Jim: But Amazon seems to be much, much cheaper - why is that?
Sally: I am sending you the department page on videos. Please go through it.
Sally: http://shopping.msn.co.uk/cate...catid=340
Jim: Can you check on that Eastenders branded gun please as well?
Sally: Jim, as I mentioned earlier, we do not have Guns featured on our site.
Sally: Can I help you any further?
Sally: Is there anything else I can help you with?
Jim: Oh, I see. Oh well, not a problem. Yeah, do you sell any lubrication at all? We're running low, and I need to buy from you because otherwise my wife and his wife might find a shop reciept
Jim: It sounds rude, but this stuff has to be bought somewhere
Sally: Jim, could you please tell me what exactly you are looking for?
Jim: Lubrication
Jim: You've had *** havent you?
Jim: Or do they only employ teenagers late at night?
Sally: Jim, we do not have lubricants listed on our site either.
Jim: Oh, could you possibly tell me where I could get some?
Sally: I apologise, but I do not have any information on the same.
Sally: Can I help you any further?
Jim: Oh, that's a shame. Now, how about health products? I've got a couple of awful corns on my feet?
Sally: Please hold on for a moment.
Jim: You're always telling me to do that You are Irish arnt you
Sally: Unfortunately, I could not find products relating to the disease you have mentioned. Our partner may not sell this product online. However, I am sending you the Department Page of Health and Beauty. This Featured stores is on the right side. You can click through the store name to browse their entire product range if you like.
Sally: http://shopping.msn.co.uk/cate...?catid=14
Jim: Partner? You have a partner?
Jim: Oh, shopping partner. I see
Sally: Can I help you any further?
Jim: Ok, yeah I'm after something with which I can frighten my boyfriend's wife with
Jim: any ideas?
Jim: I dont want to give her a heart attack, the old dear (she's 69 - nice number that), but nothing too tame
Sally: Jim, it seems that you do not wish to buy products that are listed on our site. Therefore unfortunately, I am terminating this session.
Sally: Thanks Jim, for using MSN UK Shopping. We are available 24 hours a day for your assistance. Come back anytime.
( Jim has exited )
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Old 11-03-2002, 08:13 PM   #3
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ROFLMFAO

hahahaha

Thats a crackup
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Old 11-04-2002, 03:47 PM   #4
1lit
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That's really funny, Paul!
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